ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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