If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
