I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize