We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
