Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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