he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
