My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize