I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
