Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
