Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
