i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
