my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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