I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
