got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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