Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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