Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
