We need to rekindle our bromance
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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