I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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