I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
