Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
