I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
