There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
