We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
