Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
