Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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