She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
