ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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