I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my being single is dangerous.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
