I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
