I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
