come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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