i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
