Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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