I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
