I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
