oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
