Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
