For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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