operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
