I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
