she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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