I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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