I think my vagina is haunted
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
