the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
