Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
