Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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