idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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