If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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