I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize