wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
