I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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