we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
