Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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