which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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