P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
