I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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