She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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