I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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