Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
tell me about the fingering
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
