Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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