9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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