i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize